Not to be caught up in some bandwagon of “Let’s start a blog because I’m actually doing something interesting in my life for once”. Let it be made very clear that I’ve been about this blogging life. But as always, I’ve never really been fully committed to the game due to a crippling fear of failure that I like to put behind the mask of “I just want things to look perfect”.
It has long been my desire to revamp this blog since before I published my first post. I just never got to it. Why? Because I was too fixated on what I did not have, what I could not do. I was so fixated on how I didn’t meet up to the standards of what a “good” blogger should be or should have that I was never able to be content and see the greatness what I do have, who I am now, and who I can be.
And by the time I got the acceptance email about my new job in Japan I was also at a point in my life where fear was almost not a thing. So I figured going to Japan would be a great time to revamp my digital space because I’ll actually have something interesting to experience.
I was kind of wrong about that. Life is pretty much the same in Japan. I just need subtitles now.
(A Japanese elder daydreaming on a train ride to Koriyama)
I guess if anything life might actually be a little bit more boring now, which is why the “I don’t have time” excuse is officially no longer believable.
The truth that I have come to accept within this short week here is that I have an abundance of time to blog because I basically live in the countryside of Japan and my job only requires me to be a living, breathing cd player.
I spend about 6 out of the 9 hours I`m in school, sitting at my desk. So naturally, the next excuse will be “I have nothing interesting to do, so I have nothing interesting to blog about.” And my dear friends, that is fortunately WRONG as well.
Within this short week I have actually had several creative ideas bouncing throughout my mind.
And I’ve seen that one of another of the million reasons why this job is such a blessing is that it gives me time to FOCUS.
For some reason life in Atlanta was unnecessarily busy. It was busy with no benefits. I did things for the sake of doing them but never really planting seeds anywhere other than teaching. One thing worse than someone who isn’t doing anything with their life is someone who thinks they’re doing something productive because they’re so busy but in reality isn’t.
May it also be known that just because a person may be making a ton of money doesn’t mean that they are doing something with their life. They are just a hamster on a wheel.
The funny thing is I always teach against the “hamster on a wheel” lifestyle but it has only hit me now that I was actually on it. I guess the bright side is that I was a hamster who knew that running around was getting out of breat
And in comes GOD—always the one to make sure that I’m doing what I was born to do. And what better way to do that than by taking me to a place where I have no other choice but to shut up and smell the coffee—no wait, the tea.
Yes, I have time now to smell the tea and the rice for what it is. Sounds silly but follow me kids. I can enjoy every little detail about life because I’ve never experienced such a life here. But the thing is, for the first few weeks I was still running on that wheel. And that brings me to the bread.
Yea that one single piece of bread, toasted to just a little below my standard of perfect toast and topped with a light smear of coconut oil and strawberry preserve.
Other than my taste in music, you can learn a lot about me through what I eat. Which is funny considering you can learn a lot about a culture by looking at their diet (but that’s another story for another post).
With me you can get a glimpse of my current mental state by what you see on my plate. And since I’ve been in orientation in Ohio to my first week in Japan I have been eating toast—in more general terms, bread. I’ve been eating a heck of a lot of bread.
I tend to retreat to bread when I`m trying to process things. With me, bread is easy. It`s comfortable. Bread reminds me of a pillow….well all bread except whole grain bread.
It’s like you’re allowed to sleep while eating and when I think there’s a lot to do I go for bread.When I don’t want to think about things, I go to bread.
It requires basically no cooking time, you just take it out the bag and chew.
Bad habit I know, but it only happens every once in a while. And this recent while I was trying to wrap my head around all the new material, the new names, and the expectations I had to meet. I was racking my brain through all of the orientation trying to process everything. I was somewhere just below stressed out but never actually made it there.
So I just ate bread.
It didn’t need to be processed, it already was.
(A board that was barely used for scribbling during Orientation)
Then when we finally arrived in Japan the old teachers prepped our apartments with a few food items, one being bread. Being that I had not gone to the grocery store, I went for it. And when I did get a chance to go I still went for it because that first grocery run was horrible. There were so many different foods that I didn’t know on top of trying to translate things and figuring out what did I really need to eat anyway, and….isthat a fish head just chilling in the snack aisle? Nope, no time…where’s the bread?
But then I had time, I had time to meditate not on things I had to do, but on who I am and what my purpose is.
And I was reminded that I am not a person who is not able. I am capable of all things because of God living in me. I was reminded that God is everywhere, even in Japan, I just had to let Him take control. It’s all or nothing.
So with that mindset this is a picture of the last piece of toast that I will have in a long. (Date devoured: April 10,2017)
Look at it, say your goodbyes. Because I’m no longer wrecking my brain with what I can’t do or what I don’t have. Because I have something greater inside of me, and I’m going to enjoy that all the days of my life. And if you made it to the bottom of this very long post, I hope you live in the same peace.
(About fifteen steps from my apartment in Japan)
(I promise the next posts will be shorter. Just see this as a goodbye to the music reviews book of my life and the preface of the book to a more mature version of Speaking Endian).