It’s the bloody new year.
I think it’s unattainably weird how you can wake up and it’s a whole other year, but then again not.
With that said, I’ve succeeded in my first goal of the new year: stay at home and do nothing but write, read and eat.
Do I get a prize for my achievements? I succeeded in my set goal of the new year, I deserve a prize right? I mean tons of people have probably wrote lists and everything of the rubbish plans that they’ve made to “better” themselves this year and there is a 100% chance that they won’t do anything on that list. While I, being the great human being that I am, had set out with one goal and I overachieved that goal. So surely, I deserve some great reward.
Do they give out rewards for these things? Who monitors this goal achieving thing? Who gives the rewards? Is the reward giver taking requests?
I would like a nice tall glass of Benedict Cumberbatch (it kills me that technology hasn’t advanced enough to recognize his last name. Get with the program, he’s only the third greatest blessing after Jesus and my mother).
I don’t want Cumberglory in like some thirsty, sexual way he’s engaged to be married you know, and I’m happy for him. Instead I would prefer him to come visit me on my birthday in exactly 5 days with double stuffed Oreos, Chinese dumplings, two boxes of pepperoni and pineapple pizza and a DVD of the Family Stone and the Color Purple which we will watch as we eat our junk food in celebration of my 21st birthday (I guess he should bring a bottle of wine or something since I will be 21 and all, but that’s not necessary).
If he’s awfully busy then a phone call can do. He can tell me how lovely I am and I can tell him why he’s my new Ryan Gosling.
I’m over Ryan Gosling. He’s a douche. I used to have an unhealthy obsession with the Gosling but that started deteriorating when his movie roles started getting repetitive and THEN it was over when the jerk decided to have a baby and not tell anybody until the creation popped out her mother’s vagina. That’s not very nice. I thought we were friends Gosling? Friends tell each other these things.
In all honestly, it probably wasn’t the baby that broke our relationship. It was most likely the fact that I based my love for Gosling on his looks rather than his acting ability. He’s a great actor but there’s something missing, and Bena-awesome has it, owns it and takes doses of it every hour.